I started this post over a couple times already trying to figure out how I’m going to write this out while still fitting into my goals for writing. I only want to try my best to always write from a positive and uplifting stance. I find that on this particular topic I’m a little unequipped to do that effectively and exactly the way I’m thinking. Surviving divorce is not glamorous or easy and for some it can be the struggle of a lifetime.
With the recent announcement of the divorce of #brangelina, I find that this particular topic is becoming more and more prevalent in our society. This one goes out to you who are looking for a little guidance through divorce.
I’ve gone back through a journal or two that I kept during my journey through divorce. They both covered much of the before, during and even some aftermath. I’m slowly adding in those chapters of my life here to the blog for you readers. I know it is not always easy to seek out assistance whether its because we don’t know anyone who has gone through a divorce or coming down to our self pride. I’ve put a piece of my self out here for you to know that you are not alone. Take a bit of my peace with you from what I have gone through and know that you too can make it through. If no one has told you today, you have the strength to make it through.
Everyone’s journey through divorce is different. Some have the mutual understanding that this is what both parties want and the break is a little more clean cut and simple than others. In other cases, it may be exactly what you want, but you still feel hurt or upset over the break. I found myself in that position and having participated in several divorcee groups, I’ve found that this happens very frequently. So, don’t be surprised if this is you! Your journey is your own and no one can dictate how you are supposed to feel during the process. Let me repeat that and even say it to yourself loud and proud. No One Can Dictate How YOU Are Supposed To Feel During The Process!
I found myself going through the stages of grief in all sorts of ways and not in the order that they normally discuss when you lose someone. One day I’d be angry as hell, the next day I’d be fine that this was supposed to happen and then the next be all the way back at the denial stage. For several months I was constantly up and down, left and right on a day to day basis. I eventually found others who had gone through similar circumstances as I, and began comparing my journey to theirs. Let me tell you, if you ever find yourself doing the same, Stop!! Remember, this is YOUR journey. Comparing your journey to someone else and where they seemingly are at, will only complicate and frustrate you. I feel like it may have even prolonged my process to finding healing and true acceptance.
I was told once that my divorce was a sort of blessing. Not quite in those words but that was the general idea behind it. In my case, I had been with my Ex for seven years and really had given up a lot of who I was and what I wanted to do. I was finally in a position to be able to really explore myself and the world. What did it have to offer me, and what did I have to offer it? Who am I? It really helped awaken this sense of inner self. I did some pretty crazy things, but things I had always wanted to do. I got another tattoo, two more piercings, and even started painting and writing again.
You are a unique and complete person by just being you. I urge you to find what you like to do. Write a list! I kept a journal, physical and digital. It allowed me to get my feelings and everything out of my head so I didn’t just sit and dwell on it. I joined a couple groups online for those who were single and separated or divorced. It allowed me to vent in a forum where others could help and not feel judged. I wrote myself new goals of things I really wanted to do or accomplish with realistic end dates. Don’t be hard on yourself, this is your time to grow.
Feel free to go back through the posts from 2014 up to the end of 2015. These will be the ones covering much of my journey. If you need someone to talk to, or are curious about groups, reach out to me. I would like to help point you in the best direction that I can. There are a network of people out in the world who are ready and here to help and support through your journey.
“A journey of a thousand li starts beneath one’s feet.” – Lao Tzu
(A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step)
Until Next Time