The Other-side of Motherhood

So,

I don’t care what anyone says. I believe one of the hardest things you will ever have to go through as a parent is watching your child endure suffering whilst being completely subdued and unable to assist. This is currently our struggle with our 4 month old son, Hunter.

A couple months ago I noticed a small, tiny rash on the inside crevice of his knee. I thought nothing major of it, as it appeared to be similar to eczema. Since my brother has it, and has occasional flare ups, I decided to leave it be and not seek medical attention at the time. Also, it seemed harmless and not to bother Hunter, so why should it bother me.

Well, slowly it began to gown, spreading down from his knee to his foot, then to his other foot and so on from there. Again, it’s not like it was spreading like wild fire or causing him any discomfort but I was getting a little concerned because it was spreading. Well a couple weeks before his 4 month check up the rash really began to irritate him and welts sprouted on his foot. I waited and showed it to his doctor at his check up.

His pediatrician took a look and has treated it, but has no real clue as to what it is or what is causing it. We’ve tried antibiotics, creams, lotions, ointments, essential oils. I’ve given him milk baths, oatmeal baths, and even a vinegar wash. The welts are going down, but this is not easing the itchiness of whatever is going on with his skin.

Well, today Hunter has been a happy baby and we’ve managed well. This evening is when things became worse once more. I had given him a bath and applied lotion to his skin. We have already given him everything we could, but his feet became super agitated and he began to scream. I scooped him up, and help him close rocking and singing him to sleep. Yes, he sleeps, but not restfully.

This is the side of motherhood I don’t feel many people really expose, like this is some dark kept secret that no one can see or know about. Tonight I was on the verge of tears. They say their suffering is your suffering but I feel like this is terribly inaccurate and it transcends beyond that. Their suffering is NOT your suffering. This is your torment, your helpless agony. Their suffering is your weakness.

There is little worse than watching as your child lays there in pain and there is nothing you can do. I am not saying his situation is the worst as I know there are other children out there who have it much, much worse and to those parents I extend a warm hug of encouragement that you are not alone. However, I am saying that his situation thus far has been one of the worst we’ve run into.

As a mother I feel frustrated and inadequately equipped. I know I have done everything in my power and all I can say to soothe him is, “There is nothing more I can do.” Now, whether I am saying this to help soothe him or to help keep me from breaking down I can’t accurately say. All I can say now is that we continue to pray and hope that things get better and we will find out what is causing the issues.

Until Next Time
-Danielle

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